Well, I guess we should consider this a kick off to an entirely new chapter...
It has been almost a year since I last wrote. In fact, my last post was in October. October was the same month that my husband and I entered into 'professional therapy.' I say professional because we had been in therapy of some form or another through our church before then. Five different people through our church, each individually eventually encouraging me to move on and my stubbornness and belief, not only in a 'happily ever after', but in my husband, causing me to absolutely stick my heels in and refuse to give up.
Insert some insight:
1. Happily ever after still exists, it just looks different than I pictured it.
2. Walking away from a bad situation is not failing.
3. Your true friends, the ones that actually matter, were behind your decision before they even knew about your situation. Because let's be serious... If they know you that well, they've seen you disappear as your happiness has vanished.
4. Anyone who judges your situation isn't worth your time.
5. It is going to suck. But then, it is going to get better.
6. If you are truly unhappy due to a specific situation, getting out of that situation will feel like a million pounds lifted from your shoulders.
Now, like before, I am learning every day, but the material is worlds different. Before, I was learning things like how to minimize a reaction, how to tiptoe around a situation to keep myself mentally and physically safe, and how to make sure my precious daughter was protected from the reality of my life; all while running four businesses (not wanting to be home made me jump into any work I could), and learning how to be a mom. Now, I am learning (or reminding myself) that I am enough, that my happiness matters, and that I am not alone in my experiences. In doing so, I am a better version of myself, because I am actually back to being myself, and that alone has made me a better mom, which is enough justification in itself. After all, my daughter deserves the best of me.
The decision - actually getting there - was a long process. It took me years to finally accept what I already knew to be true. My life, and my daughters life, were not going to look how I had imagined. It took me longer to truly believe #1: Happily ever after comes in a million different shapes and sizes, and just because it isn't the one that I pictured, doesn't mean it isn't the right one.
Sometimes, I feel like my life is an epic country song, but most of the time, I just want to spin in circles and do cartwheels because in this moment, I love my life, I love my friends, and more than anything in this world, I love my daughter. Almost four months ago I made the most important decision of my life, and even though it was the hardest thing I have ever done, I know with 100% certainty that it was the right decision for my life and for my daughters.
I can't wait to share how I got there, what life was like, and what it is like now, and the incredible avenues of help that I have now. In the meantime, please feel free to comment or contact me through my website with any questions, or topics that you would like me to touch on. I am an open book.
Love, V.