Emotions Are A Beautiful Thing...

It has become increasingly official:  I have a toddler...

While she is a very happy toddler, she is still a toddler and she is exploring her limits, and with that, her emotions.  On Monday, I joined a friend at her property for some really fun kid time - horses and 4wheelers.  It was an absolute blast, but Ev was running on empty, as she hadn't napped at school that day, so little things were coming out bigger than they maybe should have.

But seriously....  Haven't we all been there?!  

Anyway, we were switching gears from horses to 4wheelers, and that wasn't what my daughter had in mind, so she sat on that 4wheeler (before she knew how fun they were), and sobbed for a short lived minute.  It was just long enough for a friend to look at her and say, "Smile.  You're prettier when you smile." 

A male friend said that to my daughter.  He meant well...  But that didn't stop me from looking at my precious little girl, in that moment where she was upset, and saying, "Don't listen to him.  That is just a silly thing boys say; you are beautiful no matter what feelings you are having."  I think my reaction offended him.

I felt bad for being bold like that in front of someone I knew (it has always been easier for me to stand up for myself in front of strangers), especially since I knew he didn't mean anything by it, but if there was ever a time to stand up for the things you believe, it is in front of your children.  More than that, it is in defense of your children...

These are the rare opportunities we have to stop the cycle of belief that feelings make you less attractive, smart isn't beautiful (I'll be writing on this later), and a persons value is decided by others.

Since then, I relayed the situation to a few girl friends, and I was honestly shocked that they didn't seem to think my frustration with this comment was absurd.  In fact, every single one of them had a relatable story that raised their blood level just as much as the incident raised mine.  It was empowering and also terrifying to know how many strong and beautiful women I know had been recently told something similar.

When did our daughters begin learning that emotions were not beautiful?  When I asked myself that, a terrifying truth occurred.  This isn't something that we have recently begun teaching our daughters...  I am pretty sure this is something that has been ingrained in women for hundreds of years.  So therein lies the question:  When do we stop teaching this to our daughters?

I'd imagine every woman out there has their own version of how these beliefs were slowly and steadily taught to them....  I was raised in a world where a smile was part of the daily attire.  It didn't matter what was happening in my life - it was Beverly Hills.

I'm not saying that every woman is raised to be a Stepford Wife.  I was blessed to be raised by parents who taught me to be strong and independent, but I was also taught to smile - even when I didn't feel happy.  Fortunately or unfortunately, I wasn't built that way.  I can power through life regardless of what it throws at me (a fact that I am recently relearning), but I make no promises about lying about my level of happiness.  Just because I have the ability to slap on a smile and mask my feelings doesn't mean that I should.  It took me a while to learn that my feelings were valid, regardless of what they were, and I've spent too many years being told the opposite to allow my daughter to think that, even for just a second.  

At what point did feelings become this embarrassing thing that we are not allowed to have?  I'm not just talking about women here...  If a boy is upset, he isn't allowed to express it because emotions are feminine.  If a girl is upset, she is just being emotional.  This breeds men who don't know how to express emotion or communicate and women who talk themselves out of their feelings because they've been told for so many years that they aren't valid.

It may be just my opinion, but these are the things that we, as parents (or people), should be standing up against!

There are obviously a million things we need to teach our children, but for me, with the experiences I have, I've been building my list of the things I think are key to raising/being a decent human being.

Here is my super condensed list: 
1.  Set your boundaries (and respect other peoples)
2.  Your feelings are valid (and so are everyone elses)
3.  No one on this earth gets to decide your worth (and you do not get to decide anyone elses)
4.  Every single person in the world is beautiful (including you)

And let's not forget the golden rule...  Treat others the way you want to be treated.

I can't tell you how many times my parents told me that last one.  As a child, I thought that was a pretty dumb thing.  As an adult, surrounded by people who I swear have never heard the sentence, I am so very thankful for that lesson.

I'm sure as the years go on, my list will grow.  I am even more certain that I will have a million more moments that will make my jaw drop and a lightbulb go off in terms of things I never realized were unintentionally ingrained into us at such young ages.

For the sake of my daughter, and her self worth as she grows, I promise to stand up to those things, for her sake.  Because emotions are beautiful and if other people don't want to see them, they don't deserve to.

End rant...