Here’s the deal. I am the mom that thinks there’s nothing better than waking up to my little girl, hearing her laugh, listening to her happily chat to herself in the back seat, snuggling her and anything else that involves her. She is my world.
Having said that, I totally have mom guilt! I drove to work the other day and thought to myself, “Oh, Spence is watching the baby today! I am going to get so much done!” I was truly excited. Then the mom guilt sank in. Did I really just get excited about all the things I would get done without my daughter? Yikes.
But then, why do I feel so guilty about it?! Working is becoming increasingly difficult when I take her and then there is the mom guilt when I am there. I feel guilty when we are at work and I am trying to get stuff done and she keeps bailing out the front door like she is on a mission. I feel guilty if I take her, I feel guilty if I don’t. Who came up with this crap?
I may be nuts, but I feel like a mom in society today is damned if she does and damned if she doesn’t.
I am a ‘working mom’, which, by the way is the dumbest term I have ever heard because if you are a mom you are working, period… Anyway, for technical purposes I am a working mom, and there are so many times that I feel so judged by people for the fact that I work. I take my daughter with me, but then I am judged for taking her with me. Two days ago I had someone accuse me of boring my daughter by taking her with me. Just so we are clear: my daughter is anything but bored. She has a million toys, a hundred friends (seriously this kid knows more people than I do – seriously I met a person who said, “You are Everly’s mom!! I know her!!”), takes joy in creating messes for me to pick up and walks around like she owns the place… And she just turned ONE.
How about the scenario for being a working mom with a baby sitter or a nanny? Talk about some judgement. In that case I am working while someone else raises my kid? I admit this isn’t my preferred set up, but I’ll be damned if it was and someone was going to make me feel bad for it.
Now, if I was a ‘stay at home mom’, I would get judged equally for not having a job. Assumptions would be made about the wealthiness of my husband or the legitimacy of his job. There’s a good chance (because we are in Aspen) I would be labeled as a trust funder. People would ask what I did all day.
Both labels suck. The fact of the matter is, I am a mom. That is a job in itself and if I choose to have a job in addition to that, or a nanny, or make being a mom my sole job, it is my decision, so back off!
In my opinion, the best mom is a happy mom. I am failing at my job (the mom one) when I am frustrated, short tempered, or resenting my daughter. Because of this, if I choose to work and let someone else watch my daughter a few days or if I choose to stay home or if I choose to work and have her there with me, as long as the decision is making me happy so that I can be the best mom I can be when I am with my daughter, I am making the right decision. If you disagree, then your opinion is rude, insulting and down right ignorant, so keep to yourself and go educate yourself a little bit while you are at it.
Rest assured, there is no one in the world who wants one of those options 100% of the time. I love working. Really, it’s weird, I know. But there are definitely days when I think to myself, ‘Being a stay at home mom would be nice…’ And I have friends who are stay at home moms and would love to be back at work, even if for just a few days a week. The grass is always greener on the other side, but at the very least, the one thing that working moms (aka partially paid moms) and stay at home moms (aka volunteer moms) have in common is that we are making a decision for the better of our family and our child(ren).
If you can’t see that, you’re not a parent and you have no idea what you are talking about.
xo.